Dear Maya
by MyaJohnson
Summary: Hey, Maya. It's me, Riley. Though you've probably ripped this letter in half and threw it away when you read my name, and I don't blame you, but in case you didn't, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. For everything.


**A/N: I was watching a YouTube video earlier, it was an edit of Girl Meets World centered around Maya. It was called "** ** _I'm Still Me",_** **and I'm sure you can tell by the title that it was based on the idea that "Maya Was Becoming Riley" thing. I'm also pretty sure that the Lucaya fanbase know that the whole theory was stupid as hell, because apparently the "people change people" lesson didn't apply to Maya and Riley in that situation, according to the writers. Bullshit. I'm sure even Rucas fans can tell that the writers fed us the crap just to put the triangle out of it's misery. But anyways, that edit was so beautiful that it inspired me to write this :) Most of the things written here should've been said in the show, and I hope you can agree with me after reading it.**

 ** _Full Summary: Riley writes Maya an apology letter four years after graduating from High School. Riley also writes what she did wrong on her end, and what Maya did wrong on hers._**

 **I don't know if I'll write anymore chapters after this, but if I do, it'll start with Maya receiving Riley's letter, and the rest of the story would be told from Maya point of view. But unless I do decide to continue, it's a One-shot for the time being.**

 ** _Chapter 1- Dear Maya_**

Dear Maya Penelope Hart,

Hey, Maya. It's me, Riley. Though you've probably ripped this letter in half and threw it away when you read my name, and I don't blame you, but in case you didn't, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. For everything.

I know that if you didn't throw this letter away already, then you're shocked that you're even reading it, and I am too. Hell, I'm shocked that I even had the courage to send it to you, or even write it for that matter. I don't expect you to forgive me at all. The damage has been done, it will be very difficult to repair, nearly impossible actually, but that doesn't mean that I get to just walk away without apologizing for what I did, for being such a terrible friend to you. And Maya, you were nothing but an amazing friend to me, and in return I was terrible to you, took advantage of you and everything that you forced yourself to do for me and you shouldn't have _had to._ Maya you were my best friend, and as much you wanted me to be happy, I should've thought about your happiness too, but I didn't.

It all started in 7th grade Middle School, right on that train, where you showed me the cute new boy on the sub - You know what, no. Let's not start from the beginning. At least not _that_ beginning, because in _that_ beginning, I liked the new boy, but you stepped back for me and my happiness. If I'm gonna apologize for the end of our friendship, I can't start from the subway, because that was the beginning of Lucas and I.

I need to start from the triangle, because that was the beginning of everything going down for us, Maya, that was the beginning of the _end of us._

And I'm not saying _that_ beginning was anybody's fault, because in _that_ beginning, we were having feelings and no one has the right to tell you how you're supposed to feel about another, because we can't help our feelings. And at in _that_ beginning, Maya, you and I had feelings for the same guy. And it was the beginning of the end because as much as we couldn't help how we felt about Lucas, the triangle built up a monster in me. A lying, manipulative monster. I didn't discover this monster until Senior year, but we'll get to that later.

We carried out the triangle until freshman year, where we were starting to finally put an end to our triangle, where my monster was starting to appear. When I became terrible to you, where I tried to stop you from growing and changing when I didn't have the right to, Maya. My head was wrapped around this idea that things were supposed to go a certain way, the way I felt things should go. I thought that you were supposed to be one way, and I was supposed to be the other. It wasn't just about Lucas, Maya, I wanted you to stay the same forever, because it worked well for me.

So when I saw that you were changing, making good grades, not getting detention, not standing on a teacher's desk, not being the _you_ I wanted you to be, I thought you were becoming _me._ But all along, Maya, you weren't becoming me and I know that now. You were growing and maturing, like all teens did when they grew up. You were starting to be happy, you were starting to _hope._ You were changing into a better you Maya, and I tried to stop that because when you were the young rebellious Maya, it worked well for me, it fit my idea of what things were supposed to be, it fit in my world.

* * *

 _"What just happened in art?"_

 _"Forget that, we need to figure out this Lucas thing."_

 _"Forget that we need to figure out this Maya thing."_

 _"What- there's no Maya thing, I'm the same Maya I've always been."_

 _"The same Maya you've always been would take nothing from nobody. He went after your art. Maya, your art is who you are, the guy went after who you are!"_

 _"Do you think it should be just us who decides about Lucas?"_

 _"Why do you keep on changing the subject!? The subject is you."_

 _"Because I think that Lucas should decide too, I think it should be all of us."_

 _"I'm going to take Lucas."_

 _"What?"_

 _"What are you gonna do it about it? I liked him first, he's my boyfriend, and I don't think you should have anything to do with him. What are you going to do about that?"_

 _"Now that I've heard you say it, do you think I've been selfish?"_

 _"What? You can't have him, he's mine. What are you gonna do about that?"_

 _"I don't want you to think of me like that."_

 _"I think of you as somebody who would never let me say what I'm saying to you! I think of you as somebody who would fight for what she believed in. Especially me, especially fight me. Maya, if you like Lucas, then you're gonna have to take him from me."_

 _"You'd let me?"_

 _"No! No, I wouldn't, you know why? Because you taught me that. You taught me that. Maya."_

 _"Yeah."_

 _"Where are you?"_

 _"What?"_

 _"Where did you go?_

* * *

To be honest Maya, I knew I was rubbing off on you and I didn't like it. The truth was, I was having a hard time accepting that everything and everyone was changing as time went by, and I always thought that if everything in my world was going to change on me, you wouldn't. But when you did, when you were, I stopped you. I didn't want you to change, because the more you changed, the more _we_ changed, I thought it would tear us apart. Because I wasn't ready for that kind of change. And because of my selfishness, my need to keep everything from moving too fast for me, for wanting things to be my way forever, I didn't allow you to grow. And I was completely convinced that you were becoming me. Based off of clothes and hair, when really, it was based off of my perfect world. I thought that for the world to work, there had to be one Riley, and there had to be one Maya.

I wanted you to be badass Maya who faught for what she wanted, who took what she wanted, even from me. I felt like if you wouldn't take from _me,_ then something was wrong. But if I knew you well like I thought I did, I would've known that we don't take from each other, and that you would never snatch anything away from me even if you did it to everybody else. Because I was your best friend, your sister, not _everybody else._

* * *

 _"Riley, just because I'm wearing an outfit similar to yours, doesn't make me you."_

 _"Hair?"_

 _"Just because I'm wearing my hair like you today, doesn't make me you."_

 _"Maya."_

 _"Clothes and hair, big deal! Name one thing of real significance that you and I share in common that has to do with the inside, that effects us emotionally?"_

 _ ***A/N: Riley begins her over the top unnecessary singing for no real reason at all here***_

 _"Why are you- why are you doing that? 'Cause you can't get past hair and clothes, can you?" Riley, I'm me! I've always been me, I'm always gonna be me! Nothing's going to change that! Lucas..."_

 ** _*A/N: Riley ends her stupid over the top unnecessary singing for no real reason at all here*_**

 _"It's not just Lucas.."_

 _"What, there's more?"_

 _"Maya, you haven't stood on a teacher's desk or been in detention for a long time. You sold your house in Mayaville and moved to Rileytown."_

 _"I must like it."_

 _"Go home."_

 _"What's wrong with us both liking a nice guy?"_

 _"Do we?"_

 _"What's wrong with who I am now?"_

 _"Maya, the world has one of me, the world needs one of you."_

 _"My voice is still my voice, Riley. You're gonna need to show me a lot more than clothes and hair and a boy before I believe that it isn't. You want me to go home? I'll go home."_

* * *

Unfortunately, Maya, in that time in our lives, I failed to realize that it wasn't you changing for the worse, it was me. Because the old me cared about you more than I cared about myself, the old me would've allowed you to grow and change, but the new me didn't. While you were changing for the better, I was changing for the worst.

The worst part was, I made you question your feelings for Lucas based off some twisted idea in my head that you were _me,_ and I shouldn't have. You liked Lucas. And in all honesty, I didn't like that either, because in my world, Lucas was supposed to be mine. Maya, you were you. You were always gonna be you, and I'm sure you're still you to this day, and I'm sure you're not standing on your boss' desk and getting in trouble at work. Because you grew, and I couldn't stand in your way this time. You have a unique voice that has learned to appreciate the influence of hope.

Now, let's jump ahead to the Ski Lodge Trip, where Lucas made his final decision. This one wasn't my fault, actually, this one was more on your end, Maya. I had a conversation with my uncle Josh the other day, Maya, and I know you didn't become me on purpose to see if Lucas was right for me. In fact, I didn't even have to talk to Josh to know that, because I know you know that Lucas is a great guy, that's why you made fun of him. That's also why you fell in love with him, too.

Maya, the reason I say this one was more on your end was because you shouldn't have let anybody tell you how you feel or why you felt a certain way because those are things that only _you_ know, not anybody else. Maya, I think that if your intentions were to see if Lucas were right for me, you would've known that from the start. Josh shouldn't have had to tell you that because you would have known. But you didn't even think that was possible until Josh said it, so how could there have been any truth to it? Maya, I wanted to believe it because I wanted Lucas, so as long as you had agreed with it, I was willing to take him. I just wish you were more honest about how you felt, and be more open to tell me things at the time. And because you didn't do that, Senior year ended with us torn apart.

I'm not saying it was all your fault, I'm saying we both played a role in the end of us, and so did Lucas, because he wasn't very honest with me either.

Lucas and I dated since the Ski Lodge Trip all the way up to Junior year. In my eyes, everything was perfect, we held hands to our lockers and told each other stories, everything I had ever imagined for Lucas and I. But then one day, he broke up with me. He told me that he wanted to see other people, and I couldn't understand it because I thought things were going well, but I guess they weren't on his end.

That's when he started dating around, talking to other people, and it stung, but it didn't burn me until he started talking to you, Maya. When all of a sudden you guys were hanging out together a lot more, and stopped inviting me. Not only did you stop inviting me, you started lying to me about it, and you did it with ease, like it was nothing.

The more time you and Lucas spent together, the more he changed, and the more distant you both became, and it was hurting me every single day. I didn't think for a second that you two were _dating_ or anything, more like he was stealing _you_ away from _me._ I thought it was like that because I thought that since you were _you_ again, that you didn't like Lucas. But as it turns out, I was wrong, because in Senior year, when you told me that you and Lucas had been sleeping together, I realized just how wrong I had been for so many years.

I should've known when Lucas told me that he was getting _bored_ with our relationship because he wanted to be wild and adventurous. That has your influence written all over it, Maya, because I remember feeling that way when I first met you. You made me want to live and be bad, and cool. Lucas wanted a girl that was challenging, not somebody who he had everything in common with. I would've never admitted it at the time, but when he looked at me, he looked at me like a sister. When he looked at you, he looked at you as somebody who he can really be open to, somebody that he didn't have to live up to as the perfect guy. He felt more comfortable with you, he had grown closer to you, and farther away from me. And I hated that.

So I said things to you, the both of you, that I didn't mean. I judged you for what you were doing, pushed you away, blamed my misery on you, accused you of being liars. Then I did the worst thing that I could ever do to you, Maya, and it's the reason that you hate me so much even to this day, the reason that Riley and Maya are not forever anymore. That monster that got built up in me back in Middle School, Maya, I released that monster in the moment that I, the girl who was supposed to be your best friend, betrayed you in ways that neither you and I knew I was capable of.

And for that, Maya, I am so sorry.

Sincerely,

Riley Matthews

 **A/N: Haha, so that's that. I tried to make it long, but I _might_ just make a chapter where either Maya receives the letter and then the story goes on from there, or Maya writes a letter to Riley and I reveal exactly what Riley _did_ for the friendship to end. But I'm not sure yet, we'll see.**


End file.
